guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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