Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
