Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
being pregnant is like rehab
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
