More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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