I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize