Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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