Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
