All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
