You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
