Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
