Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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