I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
