im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
do herpes really smell.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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