Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
