i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
