Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I supernannyed him into submission
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
