A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
