My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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