I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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