I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
