Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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