i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
