Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
