The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
