Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
