Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize