So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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