i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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