Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
