i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I did not marry a roomba.
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