Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize