Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
