Define "chronic" masturbator.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
