I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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