he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
