I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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