Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
