Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
