Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
