When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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