never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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