Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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