Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
