pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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