So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize