I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
