I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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