dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
