guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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