so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
