Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize