definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
