i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
