I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
