Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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