so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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