I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
