i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize