Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
