I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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