How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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