Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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