Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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