So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
