Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
