omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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