ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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