I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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